Emotional Nightmares

She stared at them through the glass door.  She knew that the boy and girl inside couldn’t see her, it was just a mirror on their side.  She longed to say goodbye, but knew that it would make things worse.  She couldn’t bear it any longer.  As she crumpled to the floor sobbing, she pressed the button.  The noise alarmed them.  They started to panic.  With no one but each other, the boy threw his arms around the girl as they stood at the glass, trying to see what had happened.  They were crying out for their parents.  When someone fears the end of their life, they reach out for those closest to them, no matter what happened in the recent past.  

The countdown started.  She wanted to keep those two with her, but knew that it would end badly both for her and them.  She slid over next to the glass door.  She placed her hand on it, longing to touch them, as she might not ever see them again.  As the countdown neared zero, the two inside both slumped onto the floor as well; also touching the glass, although not in the same spot.  The girl inside whispered “Nicole.”  
The boy’s arm tightened around her.  “It will be alright, she knows what she’s doing.”  
“But she’s our little sister.  How can we leave her here?”  
“She told us to leave; she must have a plan.”  
“But she’s my little Nikki.  How can she have a plan to combat this.”  
“I don’t know, but she must.  She has to.”  

Nicole looked up, repositioned her hand to be over her older siblings hands, looked longingly at them for a moment before whispering “I love you.”  Zero.  The countdown finished, the engines started, the moment over.  The longing to be leaving with them ripped her heart apart and she curled up on the floor again.  But a minute was all she could spare for her own sorrows.  There was work to be done.  

Major majors

I was talking to a professor today, and he said something that really meant a lot to me. "If a guy is intimidated by your ambition by majoring in Chemical Engineering, he doesn't deserve you."  This sentence rang true.  I can't tell you for how long I have avoided talking about or bringing up majors with guys because I had a couple bad experiences.  They all have about the same basic story line.  It came up that I majored in Chemical Engineering and the conversation suddenly dies, and I never hear from him again.  If it makes him uncomfortable that I'm majoring in engineering, that means that he is embarrassed of me.  Our ambitions to live the gospel will never match, and that is really the most important.

The same goes the other way as well.  I can't be embarrassed about the major that is going to end up supporting my family.  I can't be embarrassed that I'm the one who wants to stay home.  Even though I'm majoring in Chemical Engineering, I don't want to work after I have kids.  I am getting my degree because I want to be educated and because I like it.  I will support myself if I never end up getting married, and I will help my husband if we need help getting on our feet, but I do not want to work once I have kids.  I don't want both of us to feel awkward about which adult is supporting the family.

Bottom line: It's not a bad thing that some guys are intimidated because of my major.  It helps weed out some of the ones I don't want anyway. I should just stop shying away from it.